Can I blog to lose weight?--Day 10

There are all kinds of diets. Why is that? Everyone wants a magic cure to weight loss. New breakthroughs are happening everyday. People get bored, impatient, frustrated when they don't see progress. I think I'm going to start a new career: diet creator. I will make-up random and crazy food combinations, that will keep you from eating all the high calorie junk that you really want to eat. You are bound to reduce your calorie intake. You will also have to increase your movement, so that you burn more calories than you are used to. Try it, shall we? We need catchy name. How about The Nut Diet (you'd have to be nuts to try it).
This diet will have 3 phases. (don't they all?)
 Phase 1: It will completely restrict you from eating whatever it is you usually eat.
The first week you have to eat nuts. Allergic to nuts? Sorry, this diet is for nuts, oops, I mean people who can eat nuts. If you are allergic to nuts, then I recommend you try the No Nuts, Nut Diet which we detail on another day.You can have any kind of nut during the first phase. You must have no more than a cup of nuts at each meal. "Just nuts? Are you crazy?" you ask. No, of course not. In addition to nuts, you must have flax seed and blueberries. Blueberries are a superfood. You must eat a 6oz of blueberries twice-a-day in between the nut meals. Why 6oz? because the act of having to measure out 6oz will be enough of a distraction that you won't mind that it's not even a cup. "What about beverages?" I'm glad you asked. You must have 8  8oz servings of water a day. 4 of the glasses must be ice cold, the other 4 must be very hot. You must alternate the hot and cold in order to modify your body temperature and burn more calories. In the hot water you must add cinnamon. Cinnamon will help you burn more calories. During phase one you must do special exercises. You must side-step for ten minutes then turn around and side step back to your starting point. This exercise is best done outside so that you can increase your natural vitamin D, which we all know if very important to our health. You will notice a 4-10 lb weight loss during this phase. Once you have gone through Phase 1 you are ready for Phase 2:
On Phase 2 you get to reintroduce some previously restricted foods. During this phase you may add in any green vegetable and red vegetable. Sorry no yellow, purple, orange or white vegetables until Phase 3. Why? Because we are obviously missing pasta by this phase, and the red and green remind us of the Italian flag which is on a lot of pasta related products. We use this technique to trick our mind that we are actually eating pasta and other delicious italian dishes. You may also add lean meats and apples. During this phase you must also increase your activity level. You must walk 10 minutes 4 times a day. You may do this all at once or break it out to 4 sessions.
Phase 2 will last until you drop ten pounds or until you just can stand it anymore and move on to Phase 3.
Phase 3: Phase 3 you get to reintroduce all vegetables, all fruits, all meats--except bacon. Everyone knows that eating bacon (or simply smelling bacon cooking) stimulates your salivary glands and the Nut diet is completely blown if that happens. In addition to these foods you may have one of the following: 1 slice of whole grain bread or 1 cup of brown rice or 1 cup of whole grain pasta or 1 cup of oatmeal twice a day. The following foods are completely prohibited during Phase 3: Anything with sugar, dairy, anything with flour unless otherwise listed, anything processed. You must stay on Phase 3 until all of your excess weight is lost. Exercise: continue with the ten minute walks, you may drop the side stepping as you have obviously mastered side stepping your weight loss problems by this phase.
I guaranteed you will lose weight on this diet. Before starting any weight loss program, please check with your physician to make sure this program is right for you. Please let me know if it works, I 'll write a book with all my secrets, launch a worldwide Nuts Diet movement and lifestyle. This will lead to my reality series, talk show, motivational speaking engagements....you get the picture.
Weigh in: -.2 it all adds-up right? Maybe I should try the Nut Diet? I hear it's great...